"But Professor!" Blossom Protested as they walked down the halls. "Now Girls!" The Professor stated. "We've been through this before. It's time for us to move on. Meet new friends and New people. Besides there's no point to trying to keep protecting Townsville since all the villains got sent to Belle Revve.
In case your just joining us, Yes, The Three newly animied styled girls are none other then the world famous Powerpuff girls, Blossom Bubbles and Buttercup. Since the day they popped out of the Chemical X vat They had protected the crime riddled City of Townsville from the likes of the GangGreene Gang, Princess Morebuck, Fuzzy Lumpkins and worst of All Mojo Jojo And HIM. It was always a routine The villains would cook up some half baked or on occasion Full baked plan for Wealth, Power and World domination and the girls would fly in, Beat or laser eye the crud out of them and then send of to prison, Only for the villain to break out within a week and start all over again. It had gone that way until the girls were about 10 years old and Ms Bellum had told Townsville's dope of a Mayor to send the villains to better more secure prison. So, What better place to send the bad guys then to Belle Revve. Belle Revve was a highly guarded fortified prison that specialized in containing Super criminals Such as Gorilla Grodd, Metallo, The Parasite and other such fiends. Since all the criminals were now locked away, Townsville was declared the safest city on Earth. So Professor Utonium, the girls creator and Father, decided it was time to move on. Stretch their wings and fly if you will (Well in girls case Fly farther). So he decided the best place to go was Megaville.
Megaville through the technology of the new techno giant corporation DEXLabs had been built within one year, thanks to the rapid nanotech construction. It was located withing the 4 way junction point of three cities, Townsville, Bell Wood, Aaron city and Endsville.
Already there was a vast population, thrieving business, and Good education such was Megaville K-8 School. It did grades kindergarten to 8 grade and was considered one of the best schools on Earth. Since moving and being enrolled, The girls missed Townsville terribly. They now wore girls school uniforms stylized to look like their usual attire complete with big red bows, Buttercup felt like a complete wuss. "This sucks beans!" Buttercup declared. "Come now Buttercup."The Professor said in his usual annoyingly Cheerful manner. "It can't be as bad as Citysville!" Bubbles looked at the ground sad and forlorn. "Yeah right!" Buttercup stated. "I bet this new teacher's some bitter old crow.
However when they got to the class room they were surprised and relieved to see the teacher was anything but. The teacher was a lovely, cheerful woman with oddly enough for teachers, neon pink hair. "Hello!" she greeted in kind warm voice. "You must be our new students." The girls mustered up smiles for the sake of the teachers kind words. Eyeing the classroom, they saw a handful of nice looking kids and some kids who stuck out more than others. Their was a boy about the girls height and age with red hair in sort of coif fashion, He wore Huge rimmed glasses, A lab coat and big black boots and purple gloves. He eyes gave off a look of great intelligence and extreme arrogance. Yep you guessed it boys and girls it's Dexter Boy Genius. At the back of the class were three boys,The shortest of the bunch had only three long hairs on his head and a crafty, sneaky look in his eye. His slightly taller friend had a modest look on his face and an odd black sock hat covering his head. Their other friend, the tallest of them had a buzzcut and a goofy clueless smile on his odd conical face. Uh Huh Once again your right, Ed,Edd n Eddy.
In the far corner of the class was a girl and a boy. The girl had stare that pierced into your very soul, ans her blonde hair was made in what looked like devil horns. The boy had a huge nose, a red baseball cap and an expression that gave off ignorance and stupidity. Wait for it Wait for it DING DING DING CORRECT Billy and Mandy.
But the girls still felt like the odd ones out. Professor Utoniom asked the teacher her name. "Ms Meyel." She said sweetly. "Well Ms Meyel." The Professor stated. "These are Blossom Bubbles and Buttercup." "Welcome to Megaville." The Students said together. "Is there a reason your names all start with "B"? Eddy Chuckled. Buttercup shot Eddy a nasty look. "Edward!" Ms Meyel warned sternly. "Well I guess I better get going." Said the Professor. "Now girls do your best and no ruff...I mean Rough Stuff. That means you Buttercup." "Whatever." Buttercup said apathehically . After the professor left Ms Meyel turn to the girls and asked." Well Girls. Tell us. what did you do before you moved here." It felt like being paraded around but the girls decided to have fun with it. "We were Townsville's greatest Superheroes THE POWERPUFF GIRLS! They Shouted together each striking a dynamic pose. But rather then cheer the kids burst out laughing. Ms Meyel however found it adorable. The girls wanted jump off the face of the Earth, Bubbles almost cried. Ms Meyel then told them to take a seat. Blossom sat next to the mirror and gazed out over their new home, her mind longing for days that now seemed long gone. Bubbles sat in between Billy and Mandy. when she smiled and waved at Mandy, Mandy just glared at her and was that lightning that just Struck? Buttercup sat in the row in front of Ed Edd N Eddy. "Nice name. Powderpuff girls! Teased Eddy. "Oh Yeah!" Buttercup said annoyed " And what are your names Suppose to be?" The Ed's all swung friendly arms round each other and
Eddy: n EDDY
Buttercup stared back at them somewhat dumbfounded. "What's the difference between you two?" She asked pointing at Ed and Edd. "Well." Edd Stated. "I'm usually pronounced with two D's. But most just call me Double D." "Oh Yes that makes ALL The sense in the world." Buttercup said, Rollin her eyes. "Wouldn't be the first Buttercup." Blossom smiled. "I once heard there were once two brothers named Pete and Pete.
When Recess rolled around, Instead of enjoying themselves on the playground, The Powerpuff girls found themselves laying under a tree. The homesickness wouldn't go away and Buttercup was getting a bit restless. "Man what I wouldn't give to kick some butt right now!" Buttercup said, Bored out of her mind. "But I don't want to have..Bubbles started to say. "Not You Bubbles!" Buttercup stated. " Of Course. Sometimes I think the only decent fight we ever had was with those overpowered jerks the RowdyRuff Boys!" Blossom joined in on the conversation. "Actually. It's kinda sad if you really think about it. What a waste of power and talent." "Oh of course." Buttercup interrupted. Let's not forget that they were trying to kill us and destroy Townsville!" "I don't know." Bubbles chimed in "If you take away the lust for violence, the psychotic need to prove male superiority and the insane bad tempers, They were actually kind of cute. Especially the blonde on in blue." bubbles said the last bit with a dreamy look in eyes. " Oh PLEASE!" Buttercup stated. "Still got the one thug in green's taste on my lips." "OH Like you didn't enjoy...Blossom was cut off when Dexter sauntered up to them. What did he want?
To be continued
Not final will continue also. Any help would be appreciated
Well, let's get started. I'm an honest critic, here to provide honest criticism.
The grammar has a problem. Namely, random words are capitalized when they shouldn't be. Also, typically to avoid confusion, a single character speaks on his own line, not sharing a line with any others. To make an example of what it should be:
You put: ""Man what I wouldn't give to kick some butt right now!" Buttercup said, Bored out of her mind. "But I don't want to have..Bubbles started to say. "Not You Bubbles!" Buttercup stated. " Of Course. Sometimes I think the only decent fight we ever had was with those overpowered jerks the RowdyRuff Boys!" Blossom joined in on the conversation. "Actually. It's kinda sad if you really think about it. What a waste of power and talent.""
It'd be better to put:
"Man what I wouldn't give to kick some butt right now!" Buttercup said, bored out of her mind.
"But I don't want to have..." Bubbles started to say.
"Not you, Bubbles!"
"Of course, sometimes I think the only decent fight we ever had was with those overpowered jerks the Rowdyruff Boys!" Blossom joined in on the conversation. "Actually. It's kinda sad if you really think about it. What a waste of power and talent."
Also, there's a problem with capitalization being all over the place. Words are capitalized at random when only the first word and a proper noun should be capitalized.
However, I do like the writing side of things. Keeping in mind Bleedman's story wantonly threw together any cartoon he could remember, I applaud you going the high road and using only Time Warner properties. The prison the villains are sent to is from Justice Leauge Unlimited, not only a Cartoon Network show, but a Time Warner series. And I like that you've given Dexter back his arrogance, and that the kids in the classroom are all from Cartoon Network shows.
Overall, you've got some talent. I'll talk about the rewrite as I go along, providing honest criticism like I did now. So far, I'm intrigued.
Like the some-what short conversation about our three favorite boys between the girls. The way that Blossom is being more defensive with those boys made me feel that she and Brick will be a whole lot closer than their siblings will be. I can't wait for when the PPG and the RRB cross paths!
This is good.
Can't wait to read more.
Can't wait to read more.
Are Ben Tennyson from the Ben 10 series and Rex Salazar from Generator Rex going to be in this?.
you told me to read this, but i have to ask your permission before i begin criticism, because my criticism tends to be extremely thorough, and at times blunt. But understand that if I do tear you down it is only for your benefit, so you understand not only what you are already good at, but also upon what you need to improve.
Knowing that, do you want me to proceed?
Knowing that, do you want me to proceed?
Yes I await your opinion
Okay: You've got way too many structural errors, and you can't seem to decide on a format. Beyond that, you are cramming way too many ideas together with no regard for the various laws that govern their individual universes. Bleedman did this with PpGD, which is why I was brought on: Not to make the story MORE complicated, but to break it into its consituent parts so it would flow easier and be able to be more thoroughly understood and thus grasped and thus appreciated by the audience. You're too enamored with the idea of merging all the universes together to really get anything interesting done. If you want to keep attempting this kind of huge endeavor, start with a few characters and work outwards with easy to understand goals. You aren't really outlining if you don't have a direction for the things you establish for your outline. So far, this idea is not unique or special from seriously hundreds of other fans' attempts to convey "their version" of a cross-over universe that they relate to PpGD in some way, shape, or form. You need to work on basic structural procedure and learn grammar inside and out, and then begin to study the concepts of "theme" and "framing" as key storytelling elements so in the future you can rigorously apply those concepts so you can convey them to an audience. This is just you sharing neat ideas with people, and not really the beginnings of anything more serious. If you do want to get better in order to expand on this, that's great! But I don't expect you to do so, given that I've seen this kind of thing happen many times before.
Well At some point I will probably go back and rework some of it but all in all character wise who do I keep and who do I drop
Well Thank you for your honesty. I realize what I'm doing doesn't make a whole lot of sense. I suppose my sending the villains to Belle Reeve was kind of a cop out
Just know that this is just a fun project I'm not trying to take anything over
you didn't have to say that, i'm pretty aware that you are just having fun and letting your mind wander--that would be one part of my criticism, the results of doing that. that you have said it at all speaks to the mindset you've got. that's why I've asked what I have.
Yes sir I do. But be gentle
Got some errors, espicelly in the last paragraph.
xD I really liked esperare skip to chapter 2
What's going to happen next? I can't wait to find out.
I've updated this again and chapter two is one the way
Nice can't wait to read chapter 2.
Well.....This chapter is still in the process of being written I need to reread the original again a bit. Plus I'm open to ideas